April

It seems like time is flying by. Its already April how did that happen? Family updates:

Jason- Substitute teaching and working on getting into Sac State to get his teaching credentials. He is also coaching girls high school soccer. I think he loves having three girls to come home to- sometimes.

Me- I am still figuring out how to be a mom of two girls. I still feel so tired all the time and its difficult to have enough motivation to get everyone dressed and ready for the day before noon.

Elizabeth- She is talking like crazy. One of the funny things about being a toddler is she doesn't understand that she actually is not the boss. One of her favorite sayings is to scream at the top of her lungs, "STOP TALKING!!!" and then she very quietly adds, "please". She is also working on potty training. Some days are better than others.

Sophia- She is growing so fast! she holds her head up very well now and is become a little social butterfly. She still eats about every hour and has nearly doubled her birth weight at 13.5 pounds. one thing that I am so thankful for is that she will take a pacifier when she is fussy, this has been great for trips in the car. Her favorite place is in the swing. And her favorite person is probably Elizabeth. Elizabeth could be poking her eyes and she would still be happy.

Dancing

Watched Dancing with the stars today. Inspired me to be more active. Danced for 15 minutes felt wiped out. Seriously thinking about taking a ballet class. Am I crazy? I don't know. Maybe.

The Hunger Games

Well I finished reading the hunger games. Its one of those books that are brutal and bloody, but you just can't put it down. I'm glad I read it though. It was a good read and worth the $6.29 that it cost. I don't know if I will go see the movie or not, but glad I gave the book a chance. Thats about all for today. I have a screaming colic baby to take care of now. See you later.

Courageous

So I just finished watching the movie Courageous with my husband. I think I cried like 3 times in that movie. It was really good. I know its aimed towards fathers,but makes me really want to be a better mother and to be thankful for every moment I have with my children. I know that I have a sacred calling as a mother and I can mold my children and teach them to grow up in love and righteousness.

Anyway, today was a pretty good day. My mom took Elizabeth to the Primary pancake breakfast. Elizabeth came back super happy. I got some laundry done and spent some one on one time with beautiful Sophia. She really has the sweetest smile in the world. Also dyed my hair. Dark brown!!! Ah.... Way too dark. Tomorrow I'm putting highlights in my hair hopefully before church. Started reading the Book The Hunger Games. So far so good. I'm only on chapter 4 so nothing too exciting has happened yet. As part of my happiness project I want to start doing the things that I used to love doing and reading is one thing I can pick up again easily and still be a mommy. Also I have started singing again, yes 99% of my singing is to my children and half the time Elizabeth tells me to stop, but it feels good to sing. I'm not hiding my talents anymore. I can tell you now I'm a pretty good singer, and I don't mind so much anymore if people hear me sing. 
Well I think I'm doing pretty good on my happiness project. I've been blogging more than I thought I would. And I'm really struggling with not nagging my husband and excepting that not everything has to be done in my time. Some things don't make me feel so happy in the moment, but when the day is done I realize not giving my husband a lecture actually saved from another argument. So what I didn't get done what I wanted to do and my husband didn't do everything that I wanted him to do today, but at the end of the day are we any worse off? I don't think so. We have our issues and have a lot to work on, but we can't be perfectionists all the time.
Alright I should go to sleep now because none of this is making much sense.

Mortality

Since I gave birth to Sophia, I've been thinking about my life a lot more.When I delivered her I hemorrhaged and I came so close to death having her I still feel scared for my life when I think about that day. But now a question comes to mind that I never really though about before because I was so naive and thought that I was immortal. What if I did die? What would happen to my babies? What Legacy would I have left for my children? It's so depressing to think about, but such an important thing. In the end all anyone has of you is memories. what kind of impression would I have left for my children? Who would raise them. I can tell you now that it would be a battle of custody between my husband and my mom. I know in the end they would go with Jason and with him back to New Jersey. Which is OK, Jason's family is wonderful and they would love those girls so much, but it makes me feel so sad because I know I would be forgotten, my family would be forgotten. and I guess that's what worries me now.

I didn't die. I have a chance to make things right and make a plan for my children. I am going to live my life so my children will know who I am. I will not be forgotten! I want my children to have good memories of me. I want to make sure my children will be taken care of no matter what happens. I want my family to be bonded so that when a disaster does strike we will be strong enough to get through it. I want my children to know that families are forever that I will be there for them through it all. I want my children to grow up in the gospel and have love for one another. I want them to be happy.

This is a work in progress. I know that I am going to have to do my best everyday to improve the life of my family. But it will be worth it.

Be thankful in all things.
laughter is the best medicine.
Families can be forever.


Elizabeth Esperanza and Sophia Rachel Rose, You are wonderful. You are smart you are loved you are important! Please know that I love you. I always will love you.

Becoming a designer

Alright so the people that have blogs have all these super cute things on their blogs like they have specialized backgrounds and music and pictures on the side, not just in the post itself. HOW DO I DO THAT!!!? I want to have a super cool blog too. I just dont get how people do it. I'm sure I'll figure some of it out as time goes.

On the other hand, Im getting my blogging in early today because..... The babies are sleeping! Those beautiful little girls are wonderful, but too smart. They know the comfy place is in bed with mom and dad. So yes they both slept in our bed last night. I think we may need a bigger bed soon!

Thats all for now folks.

This is a quote from one of my favorite childrens stories. I love you forever

The Happiness Project

My mom and I are reading a book called the happiness project. It basically sets goals on a month to month basis that are supposed to help you find happiness. one of the goals for march is to start a blog. I have always wanted to do blog but never really have followed through. This is a good goal because it will give me a challenge while giving me something that I can mostly control and is a novel concept to me so its something that will keep me learning and busy and therefore a little bit happier.
    I want to do this everyday, but know I probably wont. Some other things that I'm working on are:
- Going to bed earlier. This is a really big one for me because having a new baby really throws you off. I'm trying to get Elizabeth in Bed between 9-9:30 because for the past 2 months she has been going to bed when I go to bed.And Sophia, well right now just getting her to sleep before midnight is a huge success. 
- Excersice more: I really want to get my body back. Having a new baby makes this hard but I know the more I physically do the sooner I'm going to feel better.
- Quit Nagging: I'm going to try not to Nag Jason about every little thing that I want done.
- Show more love: I think people in general take advantage of the ones they love and forget to really be nice and affectionate. I want to be more giving with the compliments and huges and less on the criticism.
- Enjoy the Moment: I need to be more happy with where I am. Enjoy the little moments good and bad that I have with my family. Laugh at the meltdowns and poopy diapers. Remember the smiles. and be thankful for what I have.

Well thats about all for now. As I type I'm listening to SOphia crying in her play gym and Elizabeth sitting on my lap pulling my hands away from the computer telling me she wants to sleep. Time to go be a mom. Hopefully I will write again tommorrow!!!!
gle Subject

Seriously need to Update

So I haven't written in a blog for about 10 months now and a lot has happened! I do plan on updating soon and cant wait to share my birth experience with Sophia.Hopefully a NEW blog will be up sometime this week. For now I have to go change a poopy diaper. see you soon!

Teaching and learning

In February I got a job at the Community Day Nursery in Bayonne. I am a teachers assistant in one of the classrooms there. I have now been working there for almost 2 months. The time has gone by so fast already. I have been teaching 19 children between 3 years old and 5. And I have also been learning a lot from these kids. Everyday is a new and different experience. Some days are so much fun and then some days I'm the one crying for my mommy. It has felt really nice to be busy, not that I wasn't busy being a mom and trying to take care of family and home. but I feel more independent and useful. Elizabeth has been adjusting really well to me going to work. Some days she cries when I leave, but most days she is having so much fun with her primo she hardly notices that I'm going. I do have to admit I have some guilt with leaving my baby I feel sometimes like I am abandoning her and that I might not be doing the right thing by going back to work. However I also feel like its good for Elizabeth to get used to being with someone else other than just me and Jason all the time.

Elizabeth is growing so fast it's scary. When I think of how quickly these 16 months have gone by I just can't believe it. My sweet little baby is a busy toddler. I was looking at a picture of her when she was only four months old, and was thinking about how she needed my help for everything: sitting, Eating, burping, rolling over, moving. and Now at just over a year she is so independent. She walks, runs, talks, eats by herself. It is just amazing all the things she does now. Her vocabulary has grown a lot too. I think she is going to speak Spanish though. she says: Te Gusta, no, Si, yes, mami, Rachel, mama, papi, papa, poo poo, pee pee, maybe, baby, booby, bob, Ana, Israel, no Quire, Jugo, Juice and her newest word is "Kayete" which means be Quite in Spanish. She can be pretty bossy too when she is saying some of these words!
  Elizabeth is also almost out of her size 12 month clothes. I remember when we bought that size in November the clothes were so big I thought she would never fit in them. Now 5 months later they barely fit she is getting so tall. She is now big enough that she can reach up and hold my hand when we walk together.
I really have enjoyed my time with my daughter. And I really hope I can remember all the sweet moments I have with her in the years to come.

Losing weight

When I was pregnant I gained a LOT of weight. 50 pounds to be exact. and before I was pregnant I had gained another 10 pounds. So suffice it to say at the end of 2008 I weighed about 150. At the end of 2009 I weighed a whooping 210 pounds. Not something to be proud of considering only twenty of those pounds were baby pounds.

Yeah that was me right before I had the baby. Not a pretty sight. Even for a pregnant woman I was pretty fat. I was so swollen and uncomfortable during my pregnancy and couldn't wait to shed some weight!

So after I had the baby I made a goal that by the end of 2010 I would have lost all the weight I gained during pregnancy. I wanted to get to 160. I started eating healthier and walking and being more active. I knew that if I did a really strict weight loss plan that I wouldn't stick with it, so I did simple things that I knew I could handle, like not eating candies and ice cream everyday and cutting out fast food. I tried to go for a walk everyday even if it was only 3 blocks it was something. and I made it a point to get out of the house and just do something every week that wasn't lazy like playing soccer in the park or walking around the mall.

Well my weight loss plan started working very slowely. I was losing about 2-6 pounds a month, but I was losing it! and the weight was staying off.

I am proud to say that after a long year of feeling chubby and sticking with my plan I was able to meet my goal weight. at the end of 2010 I weighed 158 pounds!

I am still losing weight very slowely, but am glad that I stuck with it and was able to get rid of that extra fat.
I am happy with my weight now but think it would be awsome if I could lose another 5-10.  I am currently at 154 pounds as of yesterday! I am very grateful that I was able to do this. I feel so much better. I did this for myself so I could be healthy and confidant, and while sometimes I do have those thoughts like "I wish I could be skinny" they come and go quickly because I know that I am beautiful and I know that I am at a good weight for me.

April Fools, not fooling around

I found out I was pregnant on March 28th. I thought the perfect April Fools Joke was to tell every one that I was pregnant to see who would believe me. To no suprise Everyone that I called and told that day did not belive me. this is how most conversations that day went.

"I'm pregnant"
   "ha ha. Good joke. No your not."
"Yes I am"
   "No your not. Nice try."
"I'm not fooling around. I really am pregnant."
   "Really? No I don't believe you"
"Yes I am pregnant!"

So Needless to say it took a few weeks for most people to believe that I was pregnant when Finally they saw pictures of the test and of the Ultrasound.

I think I was 9 weeks pregnant in this picture. Not much of a pregnant looking belly mostly I just looked fat until I was about 6 months pregnant.

The very first time I got to see my baby. I new without a doubt from that moment that this was my little creation, my child, that I would have the blessing and honor of being a mother forever more.

Finding out

A few months after Jason and I got married we found out that I had a large breast tumor. It was really scary because The Doctors said that there was pretty much a 50-50 chance that it was cancer. So I called everyone in my family to tell them what was going on. Scheduled a day to have surgery to remove have it removed and sent for a biopsy. and my mom was going to come up and take care of me while I was recovering and waiting for the news.

So I had been trying to research what might have caused the breast tumor and it turns out that the type of birth control I was taking did have cases where patients had devoloped breast and ovarian tumors. So I decided to stop taking the pills for a few weeks while they tried to figure out if I had cancer.

On March 17th 2009 I went into madison Memorial Hospital in Rexburg to have my surgery. I was lucky to have friends that came to the hospital that morning to wish me well and my husband and mom were by my side the whole time. I think that was the most scared I had felt in my whole life. I had never had a surgery before in my life and I was terrified that I would have to lose my breasts or my life to cancer. We went in and the nurse put an IV in and gave me some nasua medicine and something else to help me not be nervous. Then they brought me to the operation room, I heard the DR making some kind of joke and the next thing I know I'm in another room, my throat hurts, my whole body hurts and I see Jason and my mom sleeping on either side of my hospital bed. Wow surgeries go by really fast when your the one under anesthisia!

Later that day I was released. That car ride home was horrible. Every second I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. The following week was a lot more difficult than I thought. The pain medicine made me kind of loopy and dizzy so I had to have help walking around. And poor Jason Had to help me with all my Hygeine needs, and I mean everything! Taking a shower, going to the bathroom, even brushing my hair and helping me put my clothes on. My Mom pretty much took over all the cooking and cleaning. We ate really good that week and we had fresh laundered clothes everyday!

After about a week I was almost back to normal and waiting to hear the results. Finally we got the phone call from the doctor. And it was NOT cancer!!! Hallelujah!!! it was a huge relief. I am so thankful that I only had to deal with surgery and one boob slightly smaller than the other. I am especially thankful that I didn't have cancer because very soon our life would change dramatically again....

So about 2 weeks after the surgery, I was laying in bed reading a book for school, when out of nowhere I had a strange thought. I hadn't had my period in over a month. for a few minutes I thought that it was due to my body going through surgery, but then I started to get this overwhelming feeling that I might be pregnant.

So I grabbed the pregnancy test we had gotten after our wedding and ran to the bathroom.
Of course it showed a negative sign. but then as i was washing my hands a faint little line started to appear making a tiny little + sign. I was totally shocked. I really wasnt expecting to see that. I felt so happy and so terrified. I went to the living room where Jason was and flat out told him, "Jason I'm pregnant"
in which he replied, " no your not"
then I showed him the test, I started crying and jason couldnt stop smiling.

And well you know the rest is history. My pregnancy went fairly well. went through the typical morning sickness and gained a whopping 50 pounds. But my beautiful baby girl came out just fine. So out of a scary situation feeling that 2009 would be a year of tears and painful medical procedure came a wonderful blessing of having a new addition to our family and getting the sweetest girl a mother could dream of.

So that is our story of how we found out that I didn't have cancer, but that I did have a baby growing inside of me.

This was taken a few days after surgery. Before I found out I was pregnant.

Guess what Your pregnant!!! Yes I took two tests because I thought the first might have been a mistake.

I went and took a picture of my belly the day that I found out. My beautiful non stretch marked stomach. It will never look the same again.

From the moment I saw you

I met my husband while I was attending BYU-Idaho.

It was March 13th 2008. I was having one of those days. Nothing seemed to be working out for me. My classes were depressing, and to make myself feel better I decided to go to the Temple and do Baptisms for the dead. When I got there I was told that it would be a 4 hour wait, so I went home, got into my PJs, got some ice cream and sulked.

some time later, my cousin Christopher called and asked how I was doing. I told him I was having a bad day. Then he told me he was on his way to take me to Latin Association. I was not really interested in going, but he insisted. so I was forced to go to the lame event. As a sign of my rebellion I stayed in my PJs.

When we got there there were about 10-15 people there and they were all Latino (no suprise). I was the only white girl. The meeting began. Everyone got in a circle and introduced themselves. Then the last guy turned to me held out his hand and said,  "Hi my name is Brad Pitt". in which I replied, "wow you look different in real life than in the movies".

And that is how I met my husband.

A day later I saw him at the schools Latin Dance night in which I got a personal dance lessen by the dance instructor (Jason). And the next week we went on our first official date to the sadies Hawkins Dance.
And that is how I started dating Jason.

Our first date together.

Beginings

In the past I have seen my friends blogs and always admired the idea of a Blog. You get to keep a journal and share it with the people you love.
So here is my first attempt at keeping a blog. It is the begining of a new year and so the time to try new things.

I would like to start by introducing my family: The Bourdett Family

This is Jason: My Husband and love of my life. He was born and mostly raised in Guatemala. He and his family moved to the United States when he was 15. He has always loved to be a part of everything. He is very outgoing and loves to latin Dance and is an active member in the LDS church. He Graduated in December 2009 with a Bachelor of Science in Communications.

This is Rachel (me): I grew up in Northeren California in a little town called Placerville. We lived a country life, goats and chickens were my pets and getting to the mall took an hour to drive to. I always like to participate in all kinds of activities, but I have always been a little bit more on the reserved side. in 2007 I went to BYU-Idaho I Graduated with a bachelor of Science in Psychology in July 2009.

And This is Elizabeth:
Elizabeth was Born on December 2nd 2009 in Rexburg Idaho. The day she was born it was -10 degrees outside. The past year she has enjoyed being the baby and gets spoiled everyday.  Elizabeth is now a busy One year old. She loves to run through out the house and is currently learning to say new words in Spanish and English. She mostly says Mama, Dada, Papa, NoNo, and Mas.
Her best friend is her Cousin Israel and they enjoy getting into trouble together.

And that is our Family! We have our struggles like every family, but we love each other and love to laugh together. Hopefully this year will be filled with more joy than the last.