Mortality

Since I gave birth to Sophia, I've been thinking about my life a lot more.When I delivered her I hemorrhaged and I came so close to death having her I still feel scared for my life when I think about that day. But now a question comes to mind that I never really though about before because I was so naive and thought that I was immortal. What if I did die? What would happen to my babies? What Legacy would I have left for my children? It's so depressing to think about, but such an important thing. In the end all anyone has of you is memories. what kind of impression would I have left for my children? Who would raise them. I can tell you now that it would be a battle of custody between my husband and my mom. I know in the end they would go with Jason and with him back to New Jersey. Which is OK, Jason's family is wonderful and they would love those girls so much, but it makes me feel so sad because I know I would be forgotten, my family would be forgotten. and I guess that's what worries me now.

I didn't die. I have a chance to make things right and make a plan for my children. I am going to live my life so my children will know who I am. I will not be forgotten! I want my children to have good memories of me. I want to make sure my children will be taken care of no matter what happens. I want my family to be bonded so that when a disaster does strike we will be strong enough to get through it. I want my children to know that families are forever that I will be there for them through it all. I want my children to grow up in the gospel and have love for one another. I want them to be happy.

This is a work in progress. I know that I am going to have to do my best everyday to improve the life of my family. But it will be worth it.

Be thankful in all things.
laughter is the best medicine.
Families can be forever.


Elizabeth Esperanza and Sophia Rachel Rose, You are wonderful. You are smart you are loved you are important! Please know that I love you. I always will love you.